Today is my Birthday Eve, but I've decided that I am no longer celebrating it. My kids are bummed, but I've just decided that I don't want to. It's not as much fun when you don't have your mom around to celebrate it.
Now, it's not like my mom made an extra big deal about it. It was just the regular "mom stuff." Things like calling me at exactly 6:32 AM to tell me that it was now officially my birthday and complaining all day about how her water broke when she was only 6 months along and she walked (yes, WALKED) her ass to the hospital.
She would then talk about how preemie I was and how I had to wear doll clothes (wth happened from there?!?!) and how I was in the hospital for a month and she would sit with me every day and hold me or hold my hand while I was still hooked up to the machines.
And I would roll my eyes. And not listen. Because I had already heard it a million times before.
But, man, what I wouldn't give to hear it just a million and one more.
Now I just want to skip my birthday, because I don't have that anymore. I don't have my mom to tell me how happy she was to have me or how worried she was that I was in the hospital for so long or even, god forbid, that I had casts on my legs for months and then had to wear corrective Herman Munster shoes afterwords.
My husband does a great job, because he knows that I am just a big dork and get just as excited as my kids do about bdays and holidays, even though that really isn't the case anymore. I try to keep my head up, because it's fun for the kids to be able to tell me Happy Birthday all day and then I spend the rest of the time lying to them about my age.
But mostly, I think about my mom and what I've lost.
I think about how much I miss the mom support - which basically translates into how your mom thinks you are the best at EVERYTHING just because you are you. I miss the incessant phone calls where I didn't really listen to her. I dammit, I miss the stupid birthday stories as well.
Your mom lives on in your stories.
Happy Birthday!
Gina
Posted by: Gina Pera | October 15, 2009 at 05:54 PM